Episode 89 - Human Bubble Blower

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Approaching the last ten of the first one hundred episodes, feeling the need to finish strong both in the podcast and in life, self-consciousness as a motivator to perform well, being raised to be a picky eater, needing to overhaul my diet as an adult, being over and underweight and different times in my life, believing I have a mild form of body dysmorphia, impulsive vs. data driven decision making, adventures in taking my girlfriend's bed frame to the dump, publicly shaming selfish behavior, a nose bubble leads to a momentary brain fart, responding to being physically intimidated on the street, and seeing the "sin" in sin but missing the "sin" in self-righteousness.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 88 - Philosophical Potpourri

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Enjoying the modality of summer school, finishing my time at junior college with straight A's, recounting my time languishing at a junior college in Arizona a decade ago, teachers at that time seeing me and my circumstances clearer that I could, how we use systems of divination like Tarot and the I Ching to give us permission to do what we already wanted to, exhausting my girlfriend (and this podcast's listeners) with my school anecdotes, and the possibility of continuing the podcast past one hundred episodes.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 87 - White Chinese Robot

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Starting summer school and taking finals in the same week, all of the stressors coming together at the same time, apologizing to those who listen regularly for being absent, wanting to be consistent, living in the same place for the last twelve years, my entire creative output being authored within feet of where I'm sitting now, various reactions to my living space over the years, watching the over-produced "Friends" reunion on HBO recently, yawning, and the yin and yang of Judy Judy and Judge Caprio.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 86 - It Me

The last push before finals, everything coming together at once, preparing a childhood story for ASL which I recount here, my mother thinking she had lost my bother and I at the mall when we were children, not thinking in terms of music anymore, experiencing life through the lens of songwriting at one time, the looming creative project that I have organized my thoughts around for the last six years, the creative conversation happening through time, the way that meaningful messages are communicated through allegory and imagery, the social martyrdom of people who pursue certain ways of living, living in dereliction of that duty myself, equating a mountaineering accident to the drama of living with courage, wanting to save others from our own formative experiences, Shakespeare's "Coriolanus" and the fickleness of popular opinion, giving yourself permission to do The Thing, and the one about the boy who got everything he ever wanted.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 85 - Potential

Missing last week's episode, trying to finish the semester (and my time at community college in general) strong, having to absorb the responsibilities of others, the bureaucracy nightmare of the admissions process, developing the skill of advocating for yourself, shitty service as a consequence of being mismanaged, not living up to one's potential, people making excuses for themselves, leveraging the current pandemic for your own needs, stumbling on an analysis of Bela Bartok's "Music for Strings, Percussion, and Celesta" by my former music theory teacher, and wishing I had been a better student during my time with them.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 84 - Admissions

Getting accepted to my four-year school of choice, feeling accomplished for the hard work of the last two years paying off, deciding I want to change my major moving forward, considering comparative literature and East Asian studies, worrying my reading and intellectual interests disqualified me from being a therapist, considering learning Chinese, watching the new "Mortal Kombat" movie and the COVID documentary "The Last Cruise" on HBO Max.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 83 - No Point

Almost skipping this episode, school stress, facilitating training for work, insights from BJ Miller's (formerly of Zen Hospice Project) TEDTalk, priorities changing at the end of life, wanting to get straight A's in school, reflecting on the future of the podcast, what speaking from experience sounds like, conducting qualitative interviews for class, abstaining from social media, watching "The Great Pottery Throw Down" on HBOMax, showing my girlfriend the movie "Searching for Bobby Fischer" for the first time and the virtues of that film, commissioning art from a co-worker, how to valuate your time as an artist, and the interesting form of the first movement of Bela Bartok's first Rhapsody for Violin and Piano.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 82 - The Gum Story

Being stressed to the max with school, telling of "The Gum Story" in American Sign Language, my truck being out of commission after getting side-swiped on the street, dealing with insurance, the added stress of being without a vehicle, starting to play the very difficult video game "Cuphead," the challenge of boss fights, having to suck for a long time to succeed, a crazy coincidence regarding my plans for the weekend, finishing the first season of "Ted Lasso" on AppleTV+, stumbling on "Forged in Fire" on Netflix, dumb dude hobbies, more thoughts on Bela Bartok, comparing the Rhapsodies for Violin and Piano with the Violin Sonatas, the violin player Patricia Kopatchinskaja, and re-telling the "The Gum Story" in American Sign Language with spoken English narration.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 81 - I Don't Wanna

Feeling run over after a restless night camping, squandering the opportunity to catch up on school work over my spring break, the aversion I have towards the everyday tasks of life, wanting to retire without having a career to retire from, the prospect of living in the middle of nowhere, being combed to be a good consumer, life choices culminating in a social media post, a certain type of celebrity chef as the archetype for success to seclusion of other values, shooting poorly last week, the seasonal quality to my interests, and speculating on the future of the podcast.

Music by Disasterpeace.

Episode 80 - Life is Good

Being sunburnt, feeling sad when the weather gets warm as well as cold, catching a second wave of sickness after round two of the vaccine, accomplishing the Marksman level of the NRA Marksmanship Qualification Program, navigating firearms culture in the wake of two mass shootings, the targeting of AAPI people, immigrants anglicizing their names, reflecting on Frank Oz directing "In & Of Itself," remembering when I went to summer camp with his son, brushing shoulders with greatness throughout my life, being self-limited by my self-esteem, searching for a father figure in the arts, youth being wasted on the young, wisdom being wasted on the aged, and the crazy hairpiece of director Ken Burns.

Music by Disasterpeace.