Getting accepted to my four-year school of choice, feeling accomplished for the hard work of the last two years paying off, deciding I want to change my major moving forward, considering comparative literature and East Asian studies, worrying my reading and intellectual interests disqualified me from being a therapist, considering learning Chinese, watching the new "Mortal Kombat" movie and the COVID documentary "The Last Cruise" on HBO Max.
Music by Disasterpeace.
Getting round two of the vaccine this week, feeling hesitant about returning to normal life, listening to more classical music recently including "classical" radio, SF Opera's streaming broadcast of "Siegfried," and Bela Bartok's string quartets, classical music not being culturally relevant, not liking the culture around most of my areas of interest, failing my first attempt at the Marksman level of the NRA Marksmanship Qualification Program, making things too hard on myself, feeling deflated when the going gets tough, getting an acceptance notification for UC Santa Cruz, the closing of Mills College in Oakland, the incredible Netflix documentary "Operation Varsity Blues: The College Admissions Scandal," watching a lot of "Jeopardy" with my girlfriend, and the existence of blue ketchup.
Music by Disasterpeace.
An update on Mark's COVID status, reflecting on his support through the years, surpassing 500K COVID deaths in the United States, hearing from an old friend out of the blue recently, comparing and contrasting our memories of each other, not remembering myself the way others report, my lack of self-esteem impacting both my memories and my living experience, wondering if I was cooler as a kid, feeling burned out with school, the trend toward infantilizing adults in the workplace, fawning as a response to the current culture, and feeling beholden to the person you've pretended to be on social media.
Music by Disasterpeace.
The launch of the video podcast on YouTube, a correction from a prospective podcast MVP, the first round of my COVID vaccine, raising my base state since exercising regularly, getting news of an old music acquaintance in the ICU with COVID, the "why me" mentality when tragedy strikes, the tendency to blame others for the fate that befalls them, Leo Tolstoy's "The Death of Ivan Ilyich," buying my firearm finally, feeling betwixt and between the anti-gunners and gun culture, being summoned for jury duty again, the expanded commitment vs. my previous experience, the lottery-like quality of jury selection, Chris D'Elia breaking his self-imposed silence, the recent death of Rush Limbaugh, celebrating the death of bad people, not growing up in a musical household, the value of David Goggin's self-talk vs. positivity, and a quote from George Eliot about the worship of chance.
Music by Disasterpeace.
Perdition to conspirators, something strange going in our collective experience this last week, returning to school, exiting class through the window during my first day of Latin class in middle school, past experiences at community college, learning about deaf culture in American Sign Language, my deaf teacher's experiences with hearing people throughout their life, ACAB, my girlfriend's return, getting an apology from someone for their driving, avoiding having to exchange pandemic pleasantries, someone tracing their lost phone to my backyard, the gall of someone asking me for the password to my stolen property, being motivated by shame to workout again, and the importance of positive self-talk when embarking on something new.
Music by Disasterpeace.
Taking an afternoon nap, Siri's shifting tone of voice, announcing the podcast MVP 2021, the synchronicity of receiving George Saunders' new book "A Swim in a Pond in the Rain," spending a week fixing things around my place, placing emotional meaning to otherwise meaningless tasks, killing a neighbor's cockroaches, a fart riddled news clip on YouTube, signs of the new normal at the grocery store, and the weaknesses of Tarantino's late films compared to his early ones.
Music by Disasterpeace.
A summary of my Thanksgiving vacation in Aptos, hiking in Land of Medicine Buddha, weighing the benefits of living outside of they Bay Area, completing my University of California applications, having our outdoor camping plans disrupted, camping in the backyard instead, my girlfriend's upcoming travel plans, taking her to two drive-thru COVID tests, fears around holiday travel during the pandemic, reflecting on my experience at an alternative high school in Arizona, almost fighting another classmate, running with a scrappy group of kids in my late teens, being surprised by how people change over time, my experiences performing as residential recovery facilities with the local charity Bread and Roses, holding people accountable for who they used to be, and getting to be whatever you do instead of what you think.
Music by Disasterpeace.
Finally getting around to seeing part of "Hamilton" on Disney+, how it relates to past musicals like "Rent" and "Jesus Christ Superstar," challenging myself not to say anything critical for one week, powering through "Indian Matchmaking" on Netflix, still struggling with an emotional relapse as the shelter-in-place continues, the cost-benefits of avoiding the news, people engaging in increasingly risky behavior as time goes on, watching Bill Clinton's televised deposition regarding the Lewinsky scandal from the 90s, political punditry then and now, success as it relates to priorities, what people sacrifice for their success, being as nervous to give a presentation for school as any performance I've had, extolling the virtues of the video game "Inside," and feeling critical of my teacher's recent effort to bond over the "Eurasian Babies" micro-aggression.
Music by Disasterpeace.
My brother's remote wedding this week, the recent protests and public response to the murder of George Floyd, gun violence inside my girlfriend's apartment building, battling the noisy neighbors on two fronts, people for whom the bare minimum is a bridge too far, the profound lameness of needing to broadcast yourself to the neighborhood, the performative aspect of protest, the carbon-copy commentaries on current events, the religious dogma-type quality of our political discourse, supporting the movement while being skeptical of its behavior, not knowing where to fit in, wanting to be on the right side of history, and this movement's lack of protest music.
Music by Disasterpeace.
Studying for finals, confirming my shift away from a creative career, getting out to the beach over the weekend, gaining weight in quarantine, addressing criticism, my refusal to post negative reviews, a nightmare Airbnb experience, envying other people's podcasts, giving my girlfriend an undershave, the reward of doing something just because you want to, a musical interlude, re-reading "Dubliners" by James Joyce, the changing relief of a reading experience with age, Kohlberg's levels of moral development, and a related quote from Confucius.
Music by Disasterpeace.